help with discipline

[bunny]

I have just run into my first big dilemma with my 10 year old. He got off the bus yesterday and told me he found $5. So I told him to hold it and tell some one in the office a school and the bus driver. So that the person who lost it can get it back. Now I,m finding out the neighbors kid found the money and my son asked if he could have some.He knows that he is to have NO contact with the neighbors. And now I know he lied to me. That lying thing I found out from the bus driver. so he doesn't know that i know. there are so many thing in this I'm not sure how to handle it . I know he will not have any friends over,no phone ,and no computer, or video games . I am thinking about even that he is not aloud out of his room except for eating and bathroom . am I too harsh . There is one think that I absolutely will not tolerate and that is lying.

[mood4amelody]

Well, I think first, he should be greatly praised for telling you about the money. That was a great thing to do, and it will sure mean a lot to the child that lost it.

I'm assuming that the neighbor kid is BIG trouble? Rough family or something there? Well, yeah, I can understand that. My daughter had a friend that kept giving her lice, and I had to put a wedge in there until the girl eventually (months later!!) was taken care of. (Her Grandma called my 6 yr. old daughter an A-hole at the bus stop for not playing with her granddaughter any more! Image that! :rolleyes: ) Anyway, there isn't any real way to prevent them from talking on the bus or at school, and to put your son in a position where he has to "be the jerk" (in his and his friends point of view) is kinda rough on him and he's probably felt too uncomfortable to just shun the kid. I'm not saying that's okay, I'm just trying for a good perspective on it.

Is this other kid really awful where you wouldn't have him in your home? If it's just mostly his family and whatnot, maybe it would be okay to hang out with your son at your house/yard where they aren't unsupervised? If the boy has a troubled family life, being around a "normal" or loving family could make a world of difference in his life. As well as having set rules to abide by. Kids need rules and structure and his difficulties might be coming from not having those at home.

I'd say (about the lying) to give your son one more chance when he gets home. Just sit him down and ask, "Would you like one more chance to tell me the whole story about how you got that money?" and see how he does with that. Everyone deserves a second chance. If he tells you the truth, then great. I'd follow with a discussion on why he's not supposed to hang with the neighbor boy. It will give you a chance to find out why he was anyway or if it was just a quick "hey, it's money, can I have some, too?" deal. Sort of a spur of the moment thing.

For punishment, well it depends on how your talk goes. and how far you feel you need to drive your point home, and how he explains things to you when you talk to him again. If things go badly, I'd go a week in the bedroom, no games or tv, no friends, just books. If it goes well, I'd just take either games or TV whichever he likes most, and no friends for a week, maybe.

Good luck!!!

[bunny]

Thanks the thing with the neighbors is that they are bad news, I tried the they can play at our house thing and found them steeling. And trying to poke my son in the butt with there finger.Yes i feel bad for them but I will not be taken advantage of or let my kids be part of whatever is going on around there. then we found out the parents were stealing from us when ever our backs were turned. He had 2 chances to tell me the truth and i guess the lie was what he thought he could get away with. now I just found out he knew who's money it was. so I called there mom and my so will be at there house after school today to hand the boy his money and apologize in person. I know that will be a ruff one but maybe he won't for get that shame the next time a situation arises. he will also be grounded for a wile.

[mood4amelody]

Thanks the thing with the neighbors is that they are bad news, I tried the they can play at our house thing and found them steeling. And trying to poke my son in the butt with there finger.Yes i feel bad for them but I will not be taken advantage of or let my kids be part of whatever is going on around there. then we found out the parents were stealing from us when ever our backs were turned. He had 2 chances to tell me the truth and i guess the lie was what he thought he could get away with. now I just found out he knew who's money it was. so I called there mom and my so will be at there house after school today to hand the boy his money and apologize in person. I know that will be a ruff one but maybe he won't for get that shame the next time a situation arises. he will also be grounded for a wile.

That's so sad about the neighbor kids. There are just wayyyy too many families like that nowadays, and the kids hardly stand a chance. Odds are against them from the get go. I agree about him doing the returning and apologizing. You might also have him do some work for that child's parents. Labor is a great teacher. Something like pulling weeds can sure put a lot of learning in a kid's head pretty quickly! lol

[bunny]

That's so sad about the neighbor kids. There are just wayyyy too many families like that nowadays, and the kids hardly stand a chance. Odds are against them from the get go. I agree about him doing the returning and apologizing. You might also have him do some work for that child's parents. Labor is a great teacher. Something like pulling weeds can sure put a lot of learning in a kid's head pretty quickly! lol

good idea physical labor always make people think...