Son wont sleep...afraid of E.T! Please help.

[Ladyofshalott]

Hi everyone, I have a major problem that is really getting out of hand and I do NOT know what to do about it. My son( age 11) is very, very afraid of the movie character E.T. He saw the movie in school and now will NOT sleep in his room! He has one window in there and insists that that thing is going to come in and get him. I tried everything. I told him that UFOS and E.T.s are NOT real..etc. I even took a blanket and covered up the window so he couldnt see the window at all. He just will NOT go to sleep because he says he keeps having nightmares about aliens. I am at my wits end!!! Anyone have any suggestions??? Does anyone else have a child who is afraid of anything and has trouble sleeping. Oh, one more thing...there for a while he would finally sleep IF I left the overhead light on in his room. Now, even having the lights on isnt helping. :(

Dawn

[mom363546]

maybe you need to give him more knowledge of aliens and such with books and litature maybe if you and him research it and gain some extra knowledge from the experts he could relax and would not have such fear.I don't know that this will help but for me the fear of things unknown is scary!! Learning about it may help take away some fear do it together and make it a fun family expirience. good luck! :)


I would do some online research when he is not around to find simple info and nothing that is scary in your mind then when you both sit down together you will know ahead of time where to go for the best research.

[Cpogie]

Would it help to sit down with him and tell him the little girl in the movie is Drew Barrymore, when she was a little girl, does he know who she is? tell him this movie was made many years ago by Steven Speilberg (he must know who this is?) you could suggest that you watch the movie together? I really don't know what is the answer cause I have never met you son, perhaps he needs to go to the doctor or talk to a pastor? I wish you the very best of luck, to a kid all things are real.

[Zoneey]

My 8 yearold spent a night at the zoo and ever since had nighmares. I took her to our church where we have counseling. I know with him being older things we do might not work, but some might. We changed the placement of her bed. I got a light that is a little brighter than a nightlite. We bless her every night and have a sound machine. Good luck.

[rdawnh]

That is a tough one. My sone was scared to death of LLamas at one point (long story). We did the night light thing and let him know that he could come and get me when ever he needed me and I would get him a drink of water and tell him to go to the bathroom before I would walk him back to bed and tuck in him again. The entire time telling him we dont have llamas. OFcourse you would say aliens are not real and discussing the diffrense between fiction and reality. Let him lock his window each night or to be the one to check it so he knows in his head "this window is locked nothing is getting in". maybe even get a stick or broom handle to put in the window for extra added security. If he cant get passed the aliends are real thing maybe he can at least feel secure in his room.Maybe rent the Making of ET so he can see how the movie was made and that the thing is just doll. Good luck.

[SAMRETH]

Have you tried 'going out and buying the ANTI E.T spray bottle'??

I saw on the tv once an idea which I will use once my baby gets to the age of being afraid of things that go bump in the night.

You get an old spray bottle and fill it with water and a scent of some sort, Make a label for it (design whatever you feel is the right way of doing it) and spray it around his/her room, aside from educting him that E.T is not real, thats all i can think of.

Just tell him that it gets rid of any 'bad' things. It may not work for an 11 year old, depends on his maturity and such.

Good luck. :)

[Zoneey]

We use the spray bottle also. I scent it with vanilla. My daughter's room smells like cookies and is comforting.

[Ladyofshalott]

I am STILL having this problem with my son and have all but given up on anything ever helping the situation. He just will NOT sleep in his bedroom. He is 12 now and I have tried everything I can think of. He wants a Nintendo Wii system so I told him IF he would sleep in his bed EVERY night that I would buy him one for Christmas...even that didn't seem to matter. The only other option I see is getting professional help, but aside from giving him some kind of medication, what could a dr. really do that would help??? I just am out of ideas and don't know what to do. I don't think it is just about E.T. anymore but more about aliens in general. He saw documentaries about them on tv and about how people( across this country and others) have talked about these "sightings" about actually seeing flying saucers and aliens, so he thinks there might be some of these aliens out there and they want to come and get him and take him back to where they are. I have explained to him, till I am blue in the face, that there are no such things as aliens and these reportings are just what people THINK they saw and not what was actually there...etc...

I feel like crying. This is soo frustrating.

Dawn

[mom2fussbudgets]

I am STILL having this problem with my son and have all but given up on anything ever helping the situation. He just will NOT sleep in his bedroom. He is 12 now and I have tried everything I can think of. He wants a Nintendo Wii system so I told him IF he would sleep in his bed EVERY night that I would buy him one for Christmas...even that didn't seem to matter. The only other option I see is getting professional help, but aside from giving him some kind of medication, what could a dr. really do that would help??? I just am out of ideas and don't know what to do. I don't think it is just about E.T. anymore but more about aliens in general. He saw documentaries about them on tv and about how people( across this country and others) have talked about these "sightings" about actually seeing flying saucers and aliens, so he thinks there might be some of these aliens out there and they want to come and get him and take him back to where they are. I have explained to him, till I am blue in the face, that there are no such things as aliens and these reportings are just what people THINK they saw and not what was actually there...etc...

I feel like crying. This is soo frustrating.

Dawn

Know what? Let it go. My kids have had their share of weird ideas, and you are right. Not a darn thing you can do about it. Where's he sleeping? My daughter went through a similar stage and would only sleep on the couch. I decided to not make an issue of it; I let it go and let her sleep there. Eventually, she ended up back in her room on her own.

I'd worry if his fear is controlling his life though. If that's the case, you should probably seek out some help for him.

[nc_mom71]

We had this issue with our son too. I think "mom2fussbudgets" is exactly right, let it go. The more of an issue you make of it, the more of an issue it will be. We tried everything with our son, from buying every type of light for his room. Buying a tent type thing that went over his bed, so he could "protect himself". Giving him "special spray" The whole nine yards. Then we got busy with a move into a new home and preparing for a new baby and had just let him sleep wherever, we were just too busy to go through the routine, wouldn't ya know it about a month later we hadn't even realized it but, he was sleeping in his own room!!! Granted at first it was right at his bedroom door with a pile of pillows but it was his room. We didn't say one word to him, in fear that it would start all over again and eventually he just crawled right into his bed.

I know it is frustrating though. Especially what seems to you and your DH the unwarranted and unreasonable fear. Nothing you say or do makes it any better. To them, this is real, no matter what you say to try and explain it. To tell them it's all in their head only makes them feel like there is something wrong with them or you just don't care. I know, we went through it too, we would talk and talk till we were blue in the face, only to make matters worse. Most times after one of these "talks" that were suppose to have helped, our son would wake up with a night terror! I would bring it up to his Dr. but, think medication should really be avoided! For now I would say try taking a more relaxed approach toward things but at the same time set some ground rules. If he's gonna sleep on the couch, no TV after a certain time, programs have to be suitable of course. Most of all, let him know you are there if he wants to share with you what he's feeling and that you aren't going to judge him or call him silly. I promise you, he'll grow out if it sooner than you think!!!

From a Mom who's been there and done that,
Kris:)

[mom2fussbudgets]

We had this issue with our son too. I think "mom2fussbudgets" is exactly right, let it go. The more of an issue you make of it, the more of an issue it will be. We tried everything with our son, from buying every type of light for his room. Buying a tent type thing that went over his bed, so he could "protect himself". Giving him "special spray" The whole nine yards. Then we got busy with a move into a new home and preparing for a new baby and had just let him sleep wherever, we were just too busy to go through the routine, wouldn't ya know it about a month later we hadn't even realized it but, he was sleeping in his own room!!! Granted at first it was right at his bedroom door with a pile of pillows but it was his room. We didn't say one word to him, in fear that it would start all over again and eventually he just crawled right into his bed.

I know it is frustrating though. Especially what seems to you and your DH the unwarranted and unreasonable fear. Nothing you say or do makes it any better. To them, this is real, no matter what you say to try and explain it. To tell them it's all in their head only makes them feel like there is something wrong with them or you just don't care. I know, we went through it too, we would talk and talk till we were blue in the face, only to make matters worse. Most times after one of these "talks" that were suppose to have helped, our son would wake up with a night terror! I would bring it up to his Dr. but, think medication should really be avoided! For now I would say try taking a more relaxed approach toward things but at the same time set some ground rules. If he's gonna sleep on the couch, no TV after a certain time, programs have to be suitable of course. Most of all, let him know you are there if he wants to share with you what he's feeling and that you aren't going to judge him or call him silly. I promise you, he'll grow out if it sooner than you think!!!

From a Mom who's been there and done that,
Kris:)

Hey Kris, I am Chris too! :)

Hope your advice helps. :)

[nc_mom71]

Hey to you too Chris!! Yeah hope it does help, when it comes to kids us moms could use all the advice and support we can get right?:D Plus it also helps to know that you're not the only one out there ready to pull all of the hair out of your darn head!

[Ladyofshalott]

To give everyone an update. My son is STILL NOT sleeping in his own bed. I am going bald. I think it is now more a case of ...he is USED to not sleeping in his room, rather than him being afraid anymore. And he told me it just isn't ET it is aliens in general. He thinks because there are many people around the country( and world for that matter) who CLAIM to have spotted UFOS and some even say they were abducted, that there is a possibility that aliens could exist. He is 12 years old and I just simply can't do anything about this. If I take him to the dr. I pretty much know what they are going to say...take him to a psychiatrist and get him on medication, which I do NOT want to do. This is beyond frustrating.

Dawn

[we3kings]

First off let me say I'm sorry you have to deal with this, on top of your own issues you've been dealing with lately. If I am reading this correctly, your son has not slept in his bed for over a year? If this is correct, I have to ask, have you tried "tough love"? What I am going to suggest is going to seem pretty harsh, how about telling him, OK, if there are aliens, what difference does it make where you sleep. If their going to get you, their going to get you no matter where you sleep,(on the floor, by the door, in my room, on the couch, whatever) you demand that he sleep in his room no matter what, even if he is afraid. You must not backslide no matter what! He will have privileges taken away if you find him outside his room in the morning. If he does come outside his room, you physically put him back in his bed. If this method does not work you must get him some help, this has gone on way too long. There is more going on here that just fear. I'm sorry if I sound like a horrible person for suggesting this but desperate times, call for desperate measures. Good Luck!

[mom2fussbudgets]

Not to offend anyone, really. But, I still feel like you should simply let it go. Maybe if you stop making an issue of it, he'll see it's no longer bothering you and stop rebelling.

It's hard to physically put a 12-year-old back in bed. And really, do want it to come to some kind of dragging pulling shovefest? In five years, none of this will make a whit of difference.

[we3kings]

Not to offend anyone, really. But, I still feel like you should simply let it go. Maybe if you stop making an issue of it, he'll see it's no longer bothering you and stop rebelling.

It's hard to physically put a 12-year-old back in bed. And really, do want it to come to some kind of dragging pulling shovefest? In five years, none of this will make a whit of difference.

No offense to you either, but it sounds like she has let it go for quite some time and it still hasn't improved. And no, I'm not suggesting she get into a physical confrontation, I simply meant, lead him back to bed if he's sleeping outside his room. If he won't go, then take away some privileges the next day. If this type of behavior continues it will probably continue in other aspects of his life. And I still think a year is to long to let something like this go on. It's just one persons opinion.

[Ladyofshalott]

I know I have let this go on for far too long, but really I do NOT know what there is left I can possible try!!! As far as the tough love goes...I have told him that he is not allowed to sleep ANYWHERE else EXCEPT in his room. So he can either accept it or stay awake all night...the choice was his. I left him sitting there on his bed and went to my own and proceeded to go to sleep. He lays down and the next thing I know is he is standing at the foot of my bed SOBBING and shaking. He was having a panic attack. So like I have said many times before in this thread..I don't know what else to do. He has to go to school. What am I supposed to do...he needs to sleep so he will stay awake in school. I don't want his grades to suffer because of this. He is an A and B student. Teachers always tell me what a well behaved boy he is..etc. So there are no problems at school. I tried taking away TV/ gaming systems but that didn't seem to work either.

Dawn

[we3kings]

I know I have let this go on for far too long, but really I do NOT know what there is left I can possible try!!! As far as the tough love goes...I have told him that he is not allowed to sleep ANYWHERE else EXCEPT in his room. So he can either accept it or stay awake all night...the choice was his. I left him sitting there on his bed and went to my own and proceeded to go to sleep. He lays down and the next thing I know is he is standing at the foot of my bed SOBBING and shaking. He was having a panic attack. So like I have said many times before in this thread..I don't know what else to do. He has to go to school. What am I supposed to do...he needs to sleep so he will stay awake in school. I don't want his grades to suffer because of this. He is an A and B student. Teachers always tell me what a well behaved boy he is..etc. So there are no problems at school. I tried taking away TV/ gaming systems but that didn't seem to work either.

Dawn

Most public schools have a school psychologist on staff. You could privately tell her what has been going on and ask if your son could visit her. The other kids won't know anything about it. Last time we moved one of our daughters had trouble and this helped her immensely. I feel for you. Take Care.

[giraf98]

If he's having panic attacks he REALLY needs to see a spe******t!

[messajarjar]

No offense to you either, but it sounds like she has let it go for quite some time and it still hasn't improved. And no, I'm not suggesting she get into a physical confrontation, I simply meant, lead him back to bed if he's sleeping outside his room. If he won't go, then take away some privileges the next day. If this type of behavior continues it will probably continue in other aspects of his life. And I still think a year is to long to let something like this go on. It's just one persons opinion.

I don't think ignoring this will make it go away, but taking a tough love approach isn't an answer either. The child has a very legitimate, deep seated fear that is controlling his ability to sleep which just dominoes out in so many areas. It would probably be a good idea to see a psychologist to address this, rather than a psychiatrist. That way, medication should not be an issue from the get go. Possibly there are some behavioral techniques that can be used like systematic desensitization to slowly conquer the fear and allow him to gently move towards a normal sleep pattern. No offense to anyone, but as a mom I've been through similar issues and it took a long time to get through them. Hope this helps.

[we3kings]

Here are a few websites you could visit if you like:
National Federation of Families for Children's Mental Health www.ffcmh.org

National Alliance on Mental Health www.nami.org

Anxiety Disorders Association of America www.adaa.org

Obsessive-Compulsive Foundation www.ocfoundation.org

Families for Depression Awareness www.familyaware.org

Maybe one of these will lead you to help.

[Ladyofshalott]

Thank you very much for posting those links! I will be sure and check them out. Thank you so much also for your input and help.

Dawn